Well Fudge Me
by deadtodd
Summary: He was about as virile as her left sock... This healer was obviously on drugs if she thought that Lily could be... 'Expecting.'


**Grimmy:** _FINALLY! I've posted something new! It just so happens this is a prize for wining one of my challenges. Sorry it took so long. But the winner was PenonPaperFingersonKeys with Letters to an Entirely Messed Up Redhead. Check it out! Anyways, I hope you enjoy it since it all came to me in one sitting and I just had to type it up. Oh, I don't own Harry Potter._

The old healer smiled as she turned around and removed her gloves. A few teeth poked out from under her upper lip and it was obvious that she was just barely fighting off a full blown grin. The color in her eyes flickered, as if it was dancing, and she finally inhaled again. Too bad Lily couldn't do the same. She only just realized that she was holding her breath when her lungs began to hurt.

"So what is it? What's wrong? Is it some sort of disease that's incurable or do I just have a morning flu of some sort? Are there any spells for it? How do I-"

"Ms. Evans, please calm down."

Lily sighed softly and let her shoulders droop as she hunched over slightly. Her anxiety was obvious and she felt like a contestant on some sort of cruel competitive reality show. Would it be so much to ask to simply get her questions answered as soon as possible, all this waiting was entirely too frustrating. She bit her lip nervously and waited for the healer to stop fiddling around with some papers.

"Alright, lets see here... Ah, yes. It seems as if..."

"Yes?" Lily couldn't help but to question. This woman was talking entirely too slow and if she leaned forward anymore her forehead would be greeting the floor. She swallowed and waited for her to continue.

"You, m'dear, are expecting."

Lily's eyebrows furrowed together and a comically confused expression overtook her previously nervous one. Expecting...? Something in her gut told her not to ask anymore questions but she bravely, or stupidly, ignored that feeling. "Expecting what?"

The healer's following chuckle would haunt her for the rest of her life. "Expecting a baby of course. You're pregnant."

It took a few short moments for what the much older woman had said to process. By the time she snapped back into reality the healer was marking something down on her clipboard. "Pregnant? No, no, no! That's not possible. I've only ever had... intercourse with James Potter for Merlin's sake! Once!"

Now the healer was the confused one. She finally started to grin and even laughed a little. Lily, however, didn't think this was very funny. "Oh, it's very possible Ms. Evans. That James Potter wouldn't happen to be Eliza's son would he?" She paused to chuckle and make a slight tutting noise. "I suppose it would be. Oh dear. Little Jamie has grown up."

"NO! You don't understand! I can't be... You just don't understand." Lily was tottering on the bridge of sanity at this point, leaning slightly to the left side. The one clearly marked as insane.

"Well what don't I understand dear?"

She was reminded of meetings with her grandmother. Cringing away from the woman, because the thought of her grandmother studying her naked body that intensely was simply unsettling, Lily hopped down off the plastic bed. "James is about as virile as my left sock! He can't get me pregnant," she said, more so to convince herself than the healer.

She shook her head as if the simple action would not only clear her thought process but change everything in her favor. It didn't work and she was tempted to swear violently. And hurt something... Yes, swearing and hurting things sounded good. She was snapped out of her surprisingly dark thoughts by the sound of a door opening and closing. Startled, she almost tripped on air.

He flashed her that bright, beautiful smile of his and she felt something in her stomach shift almost comfortingly. Oh fudge it was the baby! No, wait. It was just the usual butterflies. She let out a relieved sigh and offered him a weak smile in return. And just like that his arms were around her waist and his lips were against her forehead. Did he have to be so painfully sweet?

"So how did it go?" he muttered.

She decided yes, he did have to be that damn sweet. A feeling of dread emerged and she found herself clinging to him. He obviously picked up on that because he asked her what was wrong. Another kiss was placed on her forehead. And again she hesitated. "I'm... pregnant," she whispered.

He blinked slowly and nodded his head. "Yes. Okay. You're what now?"

"Pregnant?"

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh." She frowned and glared at him for the less than stellar response which he paled to.

"It's mines right?"

"Oh James!" She slapped him hard on the arm and started to push him out the door, ignoring the healer's goodbye call. "How could you ask that?" And that was the beginning of a rant that would last for a few good hours.

The healer chuckled again and shook her head at the long gone couple.

__

_They'll go far._

**Grimmy: **_Can someone say best pairing EVER! I certainly can. Anyways, to anyone else out there who might be reading, I ask that you review. To Pingers, yes I stalk your page(RAWR!), I ask that you simply like it. ;) But you can review too since I respond to all reviews and I'd love to... converse and totally not stalk you. LOVE AND CAKE FOR ALL! _


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